Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Waiting on God...

"But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

When did it happen? When did I stop worrying or being anxious?  Those were the questions I asked myself this morning as I sat in my favorite spot on the back porch. For many years now that spot has become my sanctuary , if you will, my quiet place to talk to and hear from God. I have learned to tell Him about all that is in my heart and on my mind; what troubles me, as well and what I take delight, and He answers...sometimes in the gentle wind blowing across my face, sometimes in a bird's solo among many of them chirping their morning songs, and sometimes in a child's distant laugh... and sometimes in just the quietness of the morning...He speaks to my heart.


This morning when I flung those questions out I was thinking about how I used to worry so much about what the next step in my life would be. You see as a girl, I always wanted to be a wife and a mother. I was blessed by God to enjoy those positions for many years, but when I became an empty nester and widow ( in that order)  I no longer had the joy of having those positions.  Friends and family will tell you how I would worry so much about what my next step should be. Should I move to another state to be closer to my grandchildren, should I keep working, were just a few of the questions that I lost so much sleep over. Let's face it , I was out of my comfort zone and to me these were major changes in my life. There was so much I felt that I had lost in a short amount of time. Thank God I was not naive about how to run a home financially or how to take care of a car, I always involved myself in those things and was encouraged by my husband to do so. For one thing during his illness, knowing those things really came in helpful. So I was not "lost" as some women are, when they become widows, but I was definitely thrown out of my comfort zone of what I knew to be life in general.  But God and His Grace...

There were many times I felt like giving up and throwing in the towel, but the Holy Spirit would not let me. Every time that I would feel sorry for myself, He would remind me of all I had to be grateful for. I remember the time when I had worried myself almost sick about whether I should move to be closer to my grandchildren. Well meaning people would tell me that I was crazy not to pull up stakes and move, but there was always something keeping me from doing that. I mean it made sense, I had no one in this area to stay for, nothing to hold me back, and yet...there was always this feeling that I should wait...

 I would cry and cry over it until one day while in prayer, I said to the Lord, "Should I move, please show me, I want to live closer to my grandchildren, because I want them to know me."  and the Holy Spirit answered, "Pray that your grandchildren know ME."  In an instance I knew what He meant, you see I can never always be where my grandchildren are, I can never always be there for them when they have trials or sorrow, I can never always be there to comfort them when they need it, I can never always be there for them when they need guidance and assurance in life. But if they get to know HIM, He will NEVER leave them nor forsake them.  So I finally GOT it!  Yes it would be lovely to live close to them, but it is so much more important that they come to know the ONE that will ALWAYS be close to them, our Lord Jesus Christ.


As I learn to release my desires to Him and how to not let the things that I want in life to be the object of my faith, I have experienced more peace, more contentment. When I allow the things that I want in life to become the objects of my faith, then I am sidetracked and my eyes drift away from Who is most important.  The only object of my faith should be to obey Him and to live to see what He actually has for me in this life, which I believe is far, far better than anything I could ever dream of. He knows my desires and He knows me better than I know myself, so why not relax and enjoy the ride. Let Him take the wheel, for real. Doesn't mean we become lazy and have to be pushed to do everything; but living life each day as best you can to be pleasing to Him, doing what Jesus did. Listening to His leading each day, sometimes it may be to do big things, but more often it is to be attentive to the still small voice that leads you do what may seem mundane to others, but could very well positively effect a life or a generation. 

I no longer worry or get anxious about the next step, when to move or not, I know that when and if that time comes I will know. Just as He spoke to my heart many years ago when I was anxious about a job change. I wanted to work in a different field from the bank and was quite annoyed and had lost all joy about going to work. I had tried and tried to get work in a school but at the time to no avail. One morning while on my way to work, as I was complaining, He spoke to my heart that I should work at my current job just as if I would be there indefinitely; create a working environment that I wanted, right where I was at; but prepare myself to move at anytime He opened the door.  What? Lord you mean you want me to make this current job, that I hate, become a place that I would like to work forever?"  "Yes".  And so I did, it took a while but I began to come to work with a different attitude, I was more cheerful, brought in snacks for the break room, took more interest in the lives of my co workers, became more helpful to the customers and visiting officials.  Pretty soon I forgot all about getting a new job and was no longer just tolerating it but actually enjoying it. The negative things did not matter anymore.

 After a time I received a phone call and you guessed it...it was the job that I had really wanted some time before. My boss came to me and shared that they had already called her prior and asked for a character reference. You see since I had made those changes in my attitude, she gave them an excellent reference and even told them that she would hate to lose me as an employee. So in due time God opened a door, but because I allowed Him to change me, I not only was able to have a new opportunity, but I left behind a very good witness for Him.


Waiting is not easy, believe me I know, but it is so worth it. As I looked out at the morning sky, I felt content.  Is everything the way I want it to be now? No.  Will it ever be? I don't know.  But for now, and with each day that the Lord gives me breath to awake, I am grateful, I am confident, that...

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
25 To God our Savior,
Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty,
Dominion and power,
Both now and forever.
Amen.  Jude 24-25

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

A child of God

"Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:2-4


Ever watch a little child's face when they eat their first ice cream, see a puppy or a  "Choo-choo" train? Their eyes are filled with such awe and wonder. Things that have become common place to us, are things they marvel over and have such delight!

There is something so pure about a baby, everything fascinates them as they discover shapes and colors and movements. They are so trusting, vulnerable but loaded with potential! 

Back in the spring when the weather was cooler, I sat on my back porch quietly, talking with God. I have mentioned before how I am my worst critic (I am getting better though) and sometimes wonder if maybe God sneezed when He gave me my personality and sense of humor and it got off kilter. lol  So I asked Him "God I know that you have given us laughter, so what does it sound like when YOU laugh?"  Silence...then out front some children were playing and one of them laughed...and God spoke to my heart and said "That is what it sounds like when I laugh."  I began to think of how a child's laughter is pure, there is no guile in it, no grossness, no ill will, just pure joy! Pure fun! And it's okay to laugh, the Bible even says a merry heart is good like medicine! (Proverbs 17:22) So does God laugh? Sure He does, you don't think we have the brains to invent something like that do you! C'mon!

I believe that is why when we surrender our lives to Him, we become the children of God. Certainly He does not expect us to stay in our immaturity , but even as we grow in stature, knowledge and wisdom, we must still live to keep our hearts in the pureness of a child, to constantly be in the amazement of our Father God. To live in trust and expectancy rather than doubt and fear. There is nothing more sadder than to see a child that has been abused in some way and has lost their precious childhood years. They seemed prematurely aged and the light has gone from their eyes, there is no longer any amazement with life. But there is always restoration in Jesus, when we offer our imperfect pasts to Him, we can become the children of God, with His help we will once again desire that pureness of heart, we will begin to be amazed at His goodness, kindness and faithfulness.


Just this past week as some people and I stood and encircled to congratulate a man that had received a promotion, I felt a tug at my side and when I looked down, it was his small daughter squeezing in trying to get to her father. As I moved to the side to let her in, I have to be honest, my southern 1960's upbringing kicked in and I thought to myself "Where's the manners here baby!" ( Did I say I was a work in progress? lol). This child pressed through to get to her father, then she crawled into his lap and he didn't skip a beat as he gathered her in his arms and continued talking as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The Lord brought this scene back to my remembrance this morning with a side note of "That's the way we all should be." We should be so confident and sure of our Father's love, that we should do as Hebrews 4:16 says  "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."


 I believe that it gives the Father much joy when we confidently come to Him, assured of His love. John 6:37 says (Jesus speaking),  "All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out."  When we come to Him, as a little child trusting in His love and faithfulness,we can have the assurance that He will never cast us away!

The story of the woman with the issue of blood that sought healing, that is written in account in the gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke, when shared, is usually about her faith, because Jesus did tell her "Your faith has made you whole". I believe her faith in Him as a healer made her whole, but is was her faith in Him as a Father of love and acceptance, her childlike faith, that made her even attempt to reach out and touch Him. She believed that He loved her so much that He would never cast her away without helping her, that Jesus was God's pure love.


So today, my prayer is that I will have that heart of a child before God. That I will always be amazed by His goodness, His Mercy, His acceptance, His everlasting unconditional love! May I marvel that He is always available to receive me, that I can go to Him with anything and He won't be offended or disappointed in me, but will rise to help me to become all that He wants me to be!
 The chorus of one of my favorite songs : "He's a good, good Father, that's who You are, that's who You are, that's who You are; and I'm loved by You that's who I am, that's who I am, that's who I am!"


Friday, June 24, 2016

He cares...

"O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up." Psalms 139:1

"Not AGAIN!" I said to myself as I frantically looked for my silver bracelet! My dogs looked at me from a safe distance, because they knew by the volume and tone of my voice, it was not the time for play. I knew for sure I had placed the bracelet in the same spot after taking it off a couple of weeks ago, but where was it?  You see this has happened before, matter of fact for a while seems like I was on a roll for losing things, but was having a reprieve, or so I thought!  


I looked everywhere all day long while doing deep breathing exercises to stay calm. I guess I was frustrated because I could not understand  why that stupid bracelet was not where it should have been. Plus... this commercial about memory loss and what that could mean kept coming on TV. I mean come on now, I only watch special programs on TV and the commercial was showing up on every channel I turned to! I was beginning to think I could hear the music theme from "The Twilight Zone" softly playing, while my dogs looked strangely at me! What in the world?????? Was I losing it? I mean my mind this time! I could have sworn that I put it right where it always goes!  

Finally, I got tired of looking and began to settle in my heart that it was just a bracelet and where ever it was...in the county dump covered in the township's stinking garbage; on the the arm of a stranger or out on the street flat as a silver pancake after being ran over by a UPS truck (I saw all this in my mind in 3-D), it did not matter, there are other things more important and my life certainly did not depend upon it. So right eye STOP TICKING ! 

I prayed about it and began to prepare for bed, then a thought came to mind...a few days ago, I had found a couple of small sequined evening bags in a closet (Don't know why I am keeping them, have not used them in a thousand years!)  Anyway I temporarily laid them on top of the case where I kept the bracelet, afterwards storing them in a drawer. Suddenly I felt impressed to go to that drawer and look at those bags. I felt kind of silly doing that, especially after taking them out of the drawer and not seeing anything, but...wait a minute...just as I was putting them back I looked down in the drawer and there was the bracelet ! I probably would have not looked in that drawer again for a long time, if I had not been given that little "nudge". How often would I have needed to use a sequined evening bag...NEVER ! LOL


I picked up the bracelet and rejoiced! But it was not so much about the fact that I had found it, but that once again it was a reminder that God cares! Seriously I was laughing, crying and praising God at the same time, I deserved the strange looks from my dogs this time!  I was suddenly overwhelmed with the sense of how much He Loves and cares for us!  You may ask how can you get that out of finding a bracelet?  Because I know from experience, He knows all about me and He is concerned about every little detail of my life. Every hurt, every rejection, every misunderstanding, every failure, and also every joy.  He cares and feels what I feel, and He has been there all my life and before. To me it was like He was saying to me "Though you may feel lost and hidden sometimes, I KNOW where you are at all times, nothing and no one is hidden from Me." Isn't that a comforting thought...


I want to encourage you today, no matter what you may be going through, God knows all about it, there is nothing that is hidden from Him. He has not lost you and is frantically searching for you, He KNOWS just where you are and is patiently waiting for you to surrender those things that concern you and yes, even your whole self to Him. By surrendering does not mean you will lose anything, but you will gain everything that really matters.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

He Lifts up my head!

Lord, how they have increased who trouble me! Many are they who rise up against me. 
Many are they who say of me, “There is no help for him in God.” Selah
But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head.
I cried to the Lord with my voice, And He heard me from His holy hill. Selah  Psalms 3:1-4

The beginning of this week (May 16th)  has brought the sad news of another young woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend to many, has taken her own life. My post on March 12th included the sad news about another precious, young woman, mother and friend to many, that took her own life also. That is two women, one I had met once and heard her speak so beautifully at a breakfast/meeting and the other I only know through her sibling to whom I am well acquainted and admire very much. I can only imagine what the families must be going through.  My heart is heavy for the children, the spouses, the parents, the siblings and all who were close to them. 


Two people who had lost hope and believed that this world would be a better place without them and yet...there are so many that feel this way, these are just the ones that I know about.  I weep for them because as I have shared before, I know what it feels like to have no hope, to feel that you do not matter, to be so depressed that you believe the lies that are bombarding your mind and emotions.


King David of the Bible felt that way many times. He wrote in Psalms 3 just how he felt; his enemies were trying to overtake him, people had lost all faith in him and believed that he would fail. Have you ever felt that way? I have. Downtrodden, defeated, rejected, worthless, just a few words to describe the emotions that are trying to convince you to give up.


I certainly don't have all the answers, but I do know what helped me from making a final decision to take my own life, and that is what David did...he reminded himself that God was his shield, his protector. You see no matter how low we feel, God is still there. No matter how lonely we may feel, He has not left us. No matter how worthless we may feel, He still loves us. We have that choice...believe the lies or with our last ounce of strength, with our last bit of faith (that everyone has been given) accept the Truth that we CAN live and things will get better.

The late Dr. Myles Munroe said "The graveyard is the richest place on the surface of the earth because there you will see the books that were not published, ideas that were not harnessed, songs that were not sung, and drama pieces that were never acted."  To take it on a more basic level, what about the love and nurture that the children that are left behind will miss, the smiles and hugs of encouragement that they will go without from you. The opportunities missed to help make this world a better place for not only your children, but your family and friends that love you. We are all important and have a place and purpose in this world and when we decide to leave before our time, we are greatly missed...believe that.


King David also reminds himself the it is God who lifts up his head. Depression and feelings of worthlessness will make you lower your head, if not physically, inwardly the weight of the negative emotions cause you to lower your confidence, faith and your will to go on. Please listen, God is the only one that can lift your head and give you all you need to get through and overcome the desire to take matters in your own hands.  Look up because when you look up you can see that there is a new day tomorrow, there is hope and a promise that He is with you and will never leave you.  Trust Him today, give Him a chance...give Him your problems, give Him your heart...







Thursday, May 19, 2016

Something to brighten my day!

Just a short post to say that I received a nice surprise today...FLOWERS ! My son, his wife and the grandkids sent me a lovely arrangement and it was just what I needed to brighten my day!  I thank God for simple pleasures!

Love this lovely bouquet!

My "Boys" approve !

My new pillow for the sofa! "Enjoy Today!"


Thursday, April 28, 2016

Being Still...

“...Be still, and know that I am God;  I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalms 46:10

I have a fault...and that is overly concerning myself over the lives of others. Surely the Lord wants us to be involved with mankind and to "cry when they cry and rejoice with them as they rejoice".  But sometimes I really take it to the extreme and that is not good.  It is at times like these that I know I need to "Be still...", take time and meditate on what the Lord would have me do instead of running ahead and getting involved. I am a lot better than I used to be, but every now and then the tendency to be a "fixer" raises its head and tries to take over. I am learning that the Lord wants me to allow Him to handle situations in other people's lives; that even though I care very much and my concern is genuine, it is not for me to try and fix it.  Be still.

So. I am resting in Him and enjoying the many simple pleasures that He has blessed me with. I will not seclude myself, for I know that God did not intend for us to live alone and become recluse from the people around us...He desires for us to have fellowship. However for me being still means taking time to be more conscious of what my role in this journey is. To be salt and light to the world, not a fixer; to be quietly praying for the things that concern me and to allow people to be who they are.

Thank You Lord for showing me that I need to take the time to Be Still and hear Your voice again. To KNOW that You are God and that I can release all concern for others into Your confident Hands. Amen.

Here are some things that I enjoy, among them collecting blue and white ceramics and pottery...being still and learning to enjoy the journey...


Blue, white, yellow my favorite color combo for spring

Antique coffee pot, rose tea cups and Boyd Bears "Tea time"

Some of my collection of vintage pottery

Mini rose bushes on the back porch on a rainy day

More Blue, white and yellow

This "Willow" pattern plate is very olden made in England

Spring arrangement

Blue and White in the foyer

A Tea Set gifted to me by a friend

A Pot of Violas on the back porch

 Just a few of my favorite things... :-)

Friday, April 22, 2016

He watches over me...and you

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
    from where will my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth. 
He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber.
He who keeps Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
    nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil;
    he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
    your going out and your coming in
    from this time on and forevermore. Psalms 121

It has been a while since I have posted anything. I am doing fine and have been learning many "lessons", but did not feel to share...not until this one. Protection, security, assurance, all very comforting words when it pertains to your well being, especially in this day and age. Those words are very important and special to me, and concerns me more times than others. I had never lived on my own until 14 years ago when my husband passed; it was something that I had never planned to do and certainly something that I never wanted to happen...but it did. But this is not a *sob* story, but one of victory, so don't turn me off yet.    :-)

I grew up in a loving family and home, a father, a mother and siblings. I left home to attend college, but had 2 loving roommates (girls, dorms were not co-ed back then thank God!) and then I married and lived in  a wonderful home with my husband and son. I had ALWAYS had someone there for me. I remember thinking back then "if something would ever happen to my husband, I don't know what I would do!"  Then there was the time after he had passed and I said to myself "I hope that I never lose electricity at night in a winter storm!"  Well you guessed it!  It happened! Raging storm, all the electricity went out, dark of night and after I panicked what did I do? I quickly figured out that I had 2 choices; frantically run out into the storm or trust that God was with me and would be my protector...I did the latter and got in bed and went to sleep...

That experience was among many, but I believe that it was a pivotal time for me...I began to learn how my Father God is my protector.  I am sure that many of you can account for times when things that should have happened, somehow didn't and the only way to explain it is that someone bigger than you or I was watching over us. Some people believe that it is their deceased loved ones. I do not see the truth of that in God's Word, however I do see that He, God Himself is our protector and watches over us and He dispatches angels to our aid. (Psalms 91:11)  So how do we explain when adverse things DO actually happen...in a nut shell, I don't know, but what I DO know is that God loves us and I praise Him for the times that He has shown me how He has protected me from danger and harm. He loves us and as I have said before, some things we may never understand here on earth, but God is the same yesterday, today and forever and never leaves us.

I posted something on Facebook the other day that I borrowed from someone else about the "Pity Train", it was so funny because I could so relate. In fact I was riding that particular train...more specifically the SELF PITY train just the other day when I began to "see" the light.    :-)

I began to be concerned about getting older and who would care for me in my old age. Where would I live? Who could I call if I needed someone? (those commercials about "I've fallen and can't get up" doesn't help the matter either!) You know, all the questions that make you want to throw in the towel and turn into a blubbering wreck!  Legitimate concerns, but I knew that this was not coming from God because it did not encourage me, only discourage me...sure sign! 

Aha!
Once I shook myself and realized who the instigator was of those feelings...I felt impressed to read the above Psalms 121 and it was a reminder of WHO is looking out for me; and  there it was right there...God Himself is looking out for me! And honey He doesn't even sleep nor slumber!  So it's 24/7 protection, better than ADT, Guardian or any other alarm system (of which I have one)!  Should I use wisdom? Of course, but ultimately I have to believe and trust that God is in control and is leading and watching over me. Takes a whole lot of pressure off.


No matter how old that I get, I am still learning about this walk of life, and most importantly about my Father God...and I like it that way. I pray that I never become one of those people that think they know it all and if you ever see me being that way, you have my permission to kick me in the tush...gently please. :-)

After my private lesson with the Lord on "Who Is My Protector", I believe that I am finally getting it. God uses people to give us confidence and security...He used my loving parents; my father that was a strong, affectionate provider, my mother who was loving and nurturing; my college roommates that showed me true friendship and camaraderie and then my precious husband that lovingly gave me not only physical protection but also was my godly marital covering. So you see when I needed all those things, God in His faithfulness had them in place. And you know what? He has not skipped a beat, He is graciously allowing me to see that ultimately HE is my all in all,  HE is Whom and all we need. He IS watching over us...

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked. 
Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.  PSALMS 91:1-11

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Hope Springs!

Alexander Pope wrote "An Essay of Man" in 1733 and from it we get that famous saying "Hope springs eternal"... 
In the human breast
Man never Is, but always To be blest: 
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home, 
Rests and expatiates in a life to come." 

To me Mr. Pope wasn't exactly giving us much "hope" when he wrote this, because people usually use this phrase when they feel there is very little hope of what they want to ever happen and it is usually accompanied with a big 'ol sigh.  

So what is Hope... the Bible has lot to say about it.  There are so many scriptures about hope; when you have hope, when you do not, even when hope is delayed.  So I would say that it is right up there with faith. Hebrews 11:1 states "For we know that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen...
 So actually you have to have hope to get to faith. I mean, what would there be (substance) to have faith to believe for, if you did not have the desire to to see it come to pass. Basically you can try to conjure up the faith to believe that you are going to have a very productive day at home or work, but you have to at least desire for it to happen right?  Or what about this ...you can try to have the faith to get through a hard trial, but you have to want and desire for it to happen...You have to HOPE and desire to live this life in order to have the faith each day to make it happen...right?

This brings me to the sad part...a few weeks ago a lovely woman whom I had met for the first time, shared before a group of women, myself included, how the Lord was working in her life. She eloquently shared how even though she had some baggage in the past (as we all do), she felt that she was being restored and given another opportunity to get things right. We applauded her and many stood and showered her with sincere love and congratulatory hugs. We were all so blessed by her open and honest testimony and left that day feeling hopeful (there's that word) for a brighter future for not only her, but every woman that was in attendance...less than two weeks later, this same precious young woman took her own life...


It was a shock to all of us...I having just met her saw a bright, bubbly, super-friendly woman. Her friends confirmed that she was just that and more.  She was a generous, loving, kind person...a shining star. What we did not see was the pain she had endured, the pain that convinced her in a moment of despair, in a moment when she had lost hope that she was any worth to her family, her friends, even herself. She lost hope that the pain would one day go away, that this life would ever get any better...



I do not speak disparagingly about this precious woman, because I have been there. I may not have experienced the same pain as she did, but I was at the point that I felt worthless and had no hope that tomorrow would be worth sticking around for. I was a young woman in my early 20's who did not have a relationship with the Lord at the time. I had tons of baggage that I was trying to carry all by myself; the baggage of bad decisions, of bad mistakes, and the baggage of no self worth continually weighed me down; until one night I decided to do what demonic voices were telling me to do and to end it all. Thank God my husband got me to the hospital in time to get help. The counselor that I had to talk to before being released, asked me in a very bored and tired voice "Why did you do it?" She probably had asked that question many times before unfortunately, no wonder she never bothered to look up at me as she wrote on her pad. I answered her in a similar bored and tired voice " I don't know...I just didn't want to go on, I wanted it all to stop."  With that the paper work was completed and I was sent home with a referral to see a counselor in the next few days which I never did. Thanks be to God a short time later I surrendered my heart and life over to the Lord Jesus Christ who gave me the Hope I needed to make a change for the better in my life. When I look at my son, his wife, my grandchildren, I shudder to think that I could have missed all of the joy that I get from just being a part of their lives. The Lord gave me the hope that I needed to have the faith to believe that things CAN get better, that tomorrow is another day, a new beginning, that joy WILL come in the morning.



I recently shared with a friend about a dream I had several years ago and I pray that I never have it again. In the dream, I was allowed to experience the depths of despair, hopelessness far greater than I have ever felt in my life. When this feeling of not having ANY Hope fell on me in the dream, it was like being in a black hole with no way of getting out...it was a very dark place. When I awoke, and after thanking and praising God for a while, I realized that the dream was for a purpose. The purpose being I NEVER want to allow myself to get to that point AND I never want anyone else to feel that way. Since then it has driven me to be an encouragement to people. To let people know in a way the Lord directs me, that they are important and special in God's eyes; that we all have worth to Him and our roles in this life are so important to those all around us. NEVER LOSE HOPE.


This post all came to mind as I was decorating the house for Spring. All the winter stuff is down and put away, things that are light and bright are in their place. The days are sunnier and longer; the birds sing louder. The winter was cold, cloudy and some days almost depressing, but now it is a new season, a new beginning. God is so cool like that, He could have said "Well folks, its going to be winter forever", but He knows that we needed a "spring", we need to refresh our Hope. Thank you Lord for giving us the Hope that we need in order to have the faith to believe for a brighter tomorrow...our HOPE is in You!
My soul still remembers
And sinks within me.
 This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
 Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!”
 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.

It is good that one should hope and wait quietly

For the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentation 3:20-26
"...in the Bible, HOPE is no longer a passion for the possible, but a passion for the Promise."
 -Lewis Smedes, Daily Bread December 19, 1996

Monday, February 1, 2016

Greater Love...

"Know Me...Know Me...Know Me..." Those were the words that I heard over and over in my heart one recent morning as I sat in my room after reading the Psalms and meditating on God's Word. As I closed my eyes, at first I thought that it was my heart's cry to Him...for Him to truly know me, my wants, my desires, my needs; but as the plea continued to echo in my heart I realized that it was Him, the Almighty God, my Father, saying to me..."Know Me...Know Me...Know Me..." It was at that moment that it dawned on me the magnitude of His love for me...His Love for all of us.  He wants us to Know Him, He desires for us to Know Him.  The whole purpose of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus has taken on a more vibrant meaning to me now. The plan of salvation, the miracles, the parables told, the suffering, the death that Jesus was born for, lived for, shared and was recorded, was God's purpose, so that we could KNOW Him.  There is no greater love...



It was a very cold February 14th and two college students were on their way to get married. The subway was packed with folks going into the city, with the Jackson 5's latest hit blasting from somewhere, some laughed and talked, some silently looked out the window and we nervously held hands and pondered on what we were about to do.

I was in an emerald green knit dress and my soon to be husband wore a sport coat, tie and slacks. We were married by a Pastor who was a friend of someone we knew. You see, even though we were both brought up in church with loving parents who taught us the correct way to live, we chose the incorrect way to live. We believed that our way was better,  love was all that mattered.  That if you truly love someone, it was alright to live and pretend like you were married and enjoy all the benefits that comes with it. When I look back now, I am amazed how God STILL loved us and with such patience. Even though we had chosen to turn from Him, go our own way and live the opposite of what His Word says...He was still right there, not condoning us, but speaking to us. I know that there were people praying , because no matter how far we had fallen away from our upbringing, there was something inside of us that knew we had to do what was right.


A few months before our wedding we had welcomed a son into our lives with great joy, but underneath was always that foreboding feeling of shame and the question: When he gets older what will we tell him? Looking into our son's innocent, big brown eyes God spoke to us to do what we knew was right. Even in our sin but with people praying for us (unbeknownst to us), we decided to get married. Yes, love matters, but we knew that it was more needed in order to have have a peaceful life.  God was with us, even in our sin, He was there, gently nudging, speaking and loving.


Time and maturity brought us a comfortable life for our little family. Nice homes, cars, health, but we knew that something was still missing. A neighbor had been praying for us to give our lives to the Lord, our reaction to her was that "She's crazy". But God was there, still being patient and picking up all the broken pieces that fell off, the more we tried to do it our own way.  Soon after having our brand new car stolen, we decided the answer was to move. God was still there with us orchestrating incidents and experiences some pleasant and some not, that finally caused the scales to fall from our eyes and we accepted the Love that He was reaching out to give us all this time.


We both had done things in our lives up to that point that we were ashamed of, that we knew God was not please with, but now as I get to know Him, I realize that He was there all the time. You see God is not like us humans, He does not turn His head away or ignore the ugly, horrendous things of life...no I believe that He looks full face into those things, because He sees someone that He loves underneath.  He never gives up, shakes His head and walk away...no His love endures, even when we have failed Him...and He wants us to know Him. He wants to one day use all those broken pieces that He has picked up along the way, to remind us that He was there with us all the time.


God allowed two foolish and immature young adults who were living in sin, to get married, have a wonderful son and though not perfect (what is, but HIM ) but blessed life. Our lives were filled with 31 years of many happy, joyous memories, but there were also times of sadness and most of all learning and growing in Him. I cherish every moment because it is making me into the woman that God has designed me to be.

Why do I share such intimate details of my life for all to see? Certainly not for fame, for my story could have remained with the stain of shame and rightfully so, but you see this story is not about the love that my husband and I had for each other...this is about HIS love for us. When we accepted the Lord Jesus into our hearts and lives, He removed the stain of shame through His forgiveness and perfect unconditional love. God was with us all the time, through all the bad choices and things not pleasing to Him and He never once looked away. When we experience the joy of human love it is a gift that God has so graciously given us the ability to give and receive, I praise Him for that, but nothing can compare to His love for us.


February is the month of love that will be celebrated world wide with hearts, flowers, sweets and all things lovely and fancy!  My front doors will display hearts and inside you will see touches of "love" all over the place, because I am a great fan of Valentine's day and all that goes with it! You may be the recipient of some of those hearts, flowers and fancy stuff, if so I celebrate with you...but also remember to receive His Love...He wants us to Know Him...Know His Sacrifice for us, Know that He never turns away...Know His Love...

 "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.  For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation."   Romans 5:8-11