How could I get it wrong this year? The anniversary of your passing was not the 22nd...its today, the 29th! I guess that I was trying so hard to get through this month that I was thinking of your October birth date...but no it's today, 17 years. Has it really been that long ago that I actually saw you with my eyes, or heard your voice? Time truly flies and you know what? I still miss you. The raw pain has gone, the feelings of being lost, aimless and empty are gone too. Can't remember exactly when they went, but God (Yah) in His infinite compassion and wisdom helped me to gradually "lose" them and fill the void with HIS love. I still remember our times together, the good and the not so good, all of it making us... "US" and I am so grateful. The times that we laughed at something silly, but it was only funny because we were together and that made it joy. I still remember our serious conversations about our lives, our plans...and I also remember our silly debates over who was the strongest, Batman or Superman...I know, I know pretty stupid, but we had a good debate didn't we? I still say that I won...or did you LET me win,as you used to say? 😊
I have learned so much about myself, I think you would be very proud of me. You always encouraged me to aspire in all I do. Since you've gone, the journey has not been easy, but as I have trusted in God (Yah) it has been fruitful. Walking this journey has given me strength and peace that I thought I could never have. My compassion for people has grown and I really know the importance of loving others as I am learning to love myself. Didn't Yeshua (Jesus) say that... “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 22:37-39
When you left this world I thought that grief would over take me. I am so thankful that just as God (Yah) in His power holds back the sea and commands its boundary, HE did the same for me. He would not let the stormy waves overtake me as I trusted in HIM. Though I felt at times lost at sea and tossed to and fro, HE stood on the shore beckoning me and showing me the way to safety...to HIM.
To those that the grief is still fresh and raw, I encourage you to hold on to HIM, to God (Yah), He will see you through to safety. You are not alone, and you WILL make it through as you hold on to HIS Hand.
17 years is a long time, but I miss you still. My high school sweetheart, the love of my life, my protector, my defender, my earthly provider, my best-est friend. Gone but NEVER forgotten. Thank you my husband for the prayers that you prayed for me, God (Yah) is still answering them each and everyday. I love you and always will.