Thursday, July 24, 2008

Something New

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

I heard a song the other day as I was lying in bed listening to the Worship channel on TV. It took me back to a time when my little family was intact. By that I mean that my husband was alive and healthy, my son was a child and I was a full time homemaker loving every minute of it.
It was a time of great joy for me because I love that family thing. And as I lay there I could see us three back then, in church singing the song that I heard on TV, with Sunday dinner waiting for us at home. It was almost a ritual, we would go to Sunday morning service come home and eat dinner then take a nice afternoon nap. We were living the life and I was happy. What a time of peace and tranquilty it was back then. We knew that God was blessing us and though things were not perfect, everything seemed normal and it was a comfortable lifestyle.

As I listened to that song I began to yearn for those times again, times when I laughed and smiled with such ease, times when a simple trip to the supermarket made me feel like I was Susie Homemaker and all was right in my world. It was a great time. I yearned for it again...

Until...a still small voice spoke in my heart "You cannot have that again, but you can have something new." Don't let anyone fool you, "letting go" is a hard job, but you can't have something new until you let go of the old. My sister-in-law said something to me right after my husband died "He's not coming back" she said. I don't think she realized that at the time she said that to me I was still numb from the shock of his passing. It was a long time later as I entered into another phase of grief that I was able to begin to understand what she was saying.
My son is a grown man now with a family of his own, he is no longer the child I saw in my memories of a happier time. My son is a wonderful husband and father and I am very proud of him. And though I am no longer a homemaker, I love doing what I do, working in a school.

I can't bring back the "happy" times, but I can go forward. I can be thankful and grateful that God allowed me to experience those "happy" times. I thank God for keeping me these past years, how He is teaching me a "new normal". I can do things now that I never thought I would be able to do. sometimes learning new things are easy but sometimes I just have to climb the tree, go out on a limb and start sawing, believing that God will be there to catch me!

I will always cherish the sweet memories of my past, but I now look forward for the new things that God has for me.