Intimacy with God

My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. John 10:27

As I wrote about in my last post, I believe this is a season of healing for me. After many years of being a part of what I now see was an abusive church situation; finally leaving there and then desperately trying to “fit in” somewhere else, only to find that I never could. I see now that while I was trying to return to what I thought would please God was only a deterrent to what He was trying to do in my life…heal my wounds and get me to know Him for myself rather than what someone had portrayed for me.

In Matthew 10: 1-3 it says that Jesus called the 12 disciples and gave each of them authority to cast out demons and to do miracles.  If you’ve had some doubt as to rather or not that included Judas, read verse 3 that specifically states Judas, yes the one that betrayed Jesus was in that number also. Jesus equipped Judas with everything that the others had; the only difference was Judas’ motive of the heart.  He seemed to always want Jesus to prove Himself, instead of trusting whom He said He was.  You see when I accepted the Lord as my Savior, I don’t believe that I allowed myself to really get to know Him for myself…to really know Who He is. It was easier in a way to go by what man was telling me.  Sure I read my Bible, but my motive at the time was not to get to KNOW Him but as an act of what I thought was obedience to what a good Christian should do.  Yes, the Lord had equipped me with what I needed to be a soldier in His army, but I had submitted to man rather than first submitting to the One who had equipped me…my motive…to be accepted.

After trying to “fit in” at other churches, some of the situations were quite humorous as I look back; I finally GOT IT and sat at HIS feet.  And Oh! At His feet, He began to show me myself and it wasn’t pretty.

God never condemns us, but He does show us truth and sometimes that truth can be ugly.  When I hear folks begin to name off all the “ministry” they are involved in and how many good things they are doing as an answer to “How are you with the Lord”, I say to myself, “been there done that!”  But do you KNOW HIM? I mean REALLY? I’m not judging by any means…just sayin’.

In the last several months the Lord has encouraged me in my heart to really trust Him as He directs me into the paths of some people that have a heart to simply know God and to do HIS will.  No hidden agendas or motives, just a transparent, open love for the Lord.  I must admit my trust was shot after my experiences from years ago.  But during the time that God had me alone and I was at His feet…He began to rebuild my trust. These precious folks have been sharing about being intimate with God, getting to know Him.  How God desires for us to know Him for who He really is, not what someone else has portrayed.  Getting to know Him through His Word; spending more time in His presence. To be free in His presence and to worship Him in spirit and Truth.  This has not only blessed my heart, but I know that it is healing me from all past wounds.  I say all that to share with you a dream I had last night:

It was a beautiful dream, so beautiful that I awoke smiling.  In the dream I was doing something that my late husband and I used to do. Now before you shut me down and scream “R” rated, hear me out.  J In this dream I was in bed with my husband and we were lying in each other’s arms, we were

holding each other so tightly (like we used to do) until our heartbeats became one.  Neither of us wanted to let go and we kept squeezing each other tighter and tighter. My head was in the crook of his neck and it was as if we were customized to fit that way. Even our breathing was in sync.  So tight…so precious…I didn’t want to let go and I could tell that he did not want to let me go.  When that feeling of pure love was so overwhelming that I felt I could not contain it…I woke up…smiling.  And the Lord spoke to my heart and said “THAT is what I want with you…I want intimacy.”  No, it was not an audible voice, but I KNEW that it was Him.  Jesus told parables to the people, so that they could better understand His message; God speaks today as well…but we must have ears to listen.

In this case He spoke to me through a dream about something that I was familiar with…marital love.  He knew that I would understand what it was like to love someone so much that you  want to know every single thing about them.  And so it is with our relationship with Him.  He already knows every single thing about us (some maybe to our shame) and He STILL loves us with an everlasting love…and He is saying to us come and know me, know my love for you, I will hold you so tight and show You all that I am…

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28