Lying on the couch for a few days nursing a cold can cause you to do a lot of thinking, at least for me it does. I don't know what it is about not feeling well physically that makes me do a lot of soul searching and inventory on my life. Maybe when I don't feel well, it reminds me of just how out of control I am. I mean, if I had anything to do with it, I would have nothing but sunshine, blue skies and perfect everything! But we know that isn't life. Not real life anyway.
So for the past few days, I've been thinking how the Lord has really helped me to let go of a lot of things. Now I'm not going to let MYSELF go, so you won't see me in the local Walmart with pajama bottoms on, my hair in large pink rollers, teeth unbrushed and no lipstick! (I was raised in the south by a Momma that taught us to ALWAYS make sure you have on lipstick, because it was a sure sign that you were letting yourself go if you didn't!)
By letting go, I mean, releasing those things that have caused me to slow down in this race of life. Things that I did not understand, things that were frustrating, things that hurt, things...things...things!
I consider myself a person with common sense, level headed, with a stable and loving foundation in my childhood as well as my adult years, but there were still things that I was holding on to. Things that had become such a part of my life, I didn't even realize I was still carrying.
God set into motion my personality before I was even formed in my mother's womb, and He knew me with all my strengths as well as my weaknesses...but I didn't know them yet. (Jeremiah 1:5) All my born days He has been calling me to Him, because He knew that once I committed myself to knowing Him, He would direct me to the correct path of becoming what He created me to be. But along that road, things happened. Before committing to Him, bad choices and wrong turns got me off course; but even after committing to Him, negative and hurtful words were spoken over me by people I trusted...and I believed them. Betrayal, fear of man, wanting their approval had sidetracked me and caused me to be blinded to who God really is. Instead of getting closer to God and flowing with the movement He wanted to be in my life, I found myself a fearful, looking nice and smiling on the outside, wanting to fit in the "in" crowd, confused person.
This morning, I was reminded of a "lesson" God showed me several years ago. Sitting on my back porch which was at that time an open patio, and it was this time of the year. As I sat there a gust of wind came by and the leaves on a nearby tree fell off and were caught up by the wind that swooshed them away. The leaves looked as if they danced with the wind! As I watched I "heard" the Lord speak to my heart..." That is how you must be, when my Spirit moves, be free to move as I lead you." But because I am weird like this, I immediately looked over at the tree next door that was not affected by the wind at all and remained stoic with all its leaves in place. So I asked "What about that tree...it's leaves did not move with the wind?" I know...I was just asking for it right? Then a gentle answer to my heart came, "Yes, but what may appear to be alive, is dead but continues to hold on to what I have moved passed." I will never forget that! And it was my situation...
Layer by layer, as I have allowed Him to...Wait! The Holy Spirit is a Gentleman (for lack of a better description), so He does not force Himself on anyone...so yes, as I ALLOWED Him, He came in and began the sometime very painful surgery of exposing and peeling away all the impressions I had of myself, what I thought was good and the misinformed bad. Those feelings of wanting to fit in? Crazy! I never will fit in, I am unique and so are you! I LOVE people and love being around them, but I also LOVE going off to myself to sense God's presence, even as a child you could find me up in our backyard Chinaberry tree gazing off into the distance and enjoying my alone time. That's just me. For me it is in those quiet times that I find the strength to let go of things that have hindered me from walking in the freedom of God's Spirit. So I'm different...its a good thing! :-)
For so many years I hung on to people that were only meant to be in my life for a season, I hung on to lies that unintentional people spoke over me and the lies I believed about myself. I believed that my strengths were my weaknesses while allowing my weaknesses to become strongholds. I was jacked up ok? But God wanted me to LET GO, to dance with Him in the wind of His Spirit. He wanted me to leave the old things behind and enter into a newness with Him. He wanted me to get to know Him and dance with Him in the wind. (I'm a little theatrical there, but you get my drift) :-)
One thing about letting go...you may be misunderstood...why? Because letting go changes you. Things that used to bother you, just don't get to you like they used to. You may find yourself enjoying life more; loving people for who they are and stop trying to change them. You may find yourself being easier to be around, the tension of expectation is gone. You may find yourself more content and at peace...with yourself and others. You may find that God is working those things out that you wasted so much time trying to fix. What a joy! God wants to do a new thing in all of us, but we must first let go of the things that keeps us bound to the things He has already passed over. He does not ignore but uses all things in our experience to make us closer to Him; stronger and at peace with Him.
, , Now t shall spring forth; Shall you not know t? even make road n the wilderness nd rivers n the desert." Isaiah 43:19